As the United States population ages, researchers are drawing attention to a lesser-known aspect of ageism: its presence within families. Stacey Gordon, senior fellow at the Center for Health and Aging Innovation (CHAI) at NYU’s Silver School of Social Work, has explored this topic in her recent paper “Ageism in the Family,” coauthored with Ernest Gonzales, an NYU Silver professor and CHAI director.
The study likens ageism directed at older adults to racism and sexism, noting that it is more than simple family disagreements. According to Gordon and Gonzales, these attitudes stem from societal norms about older family members’ roles, negative stereotypes, and ingrained beliefs. These views are often communicated by siblings and friends—sometimes unconsciously—and even internalized by older adults themselves.
“Common stereotypes by young and old alike can include a belief that older family members are dependent, physically and cognitively impaired, lonely, deaf, lacking vitality or interest, asexual and helpless,” they write in their Journal of Gerontological Social Work article. They argue that such ageist behaviors undermine an older person’s autonomy and self-esteem.
Gordon’s previous work also examined how so-called “positive ageism”—behaviors meant to protect—can have unintended negative effects. Examples include speaking to elders in a high-pitched tone (“elderspeak”) or making decisions on their behalf without consultation. She notes that while these actions may seem compassionate, they reinforce stereotypes of dependency and diminish confidence among older adults.
She explains: “All of these types of familial behaviors appear to be compassionate, but they have real-world consequences. They support the stereotype that older adults are needy and childlike…When a parent is vulnerable, why do adult children feel like they have to step in…rather than provide scaffolding supports…? Of course we want to protect our loved ones…But older people are not children—they have a lifetime of experience they can call upon.”
Gordon points out that this dynamic often arises not from malice but from ingrained cultural messaging about aging—a process shaped both by personal experience and broader societal forces such as laws or healthcare practices.
She adds: “In families of all types you hear adult children saying ‘It doesn’t matter what my mother wants; it’s what is good for me…’ Or ‘I know what’s best for my loved ones.’ But although this ageism isn’t intended to be malicious…it comes from all of the negative messaging…about getting older…”
Research cited by Gordon suggests that exposure to negative attitudes about aging has measurable health impacts. A 2002 study found that individuals with positive perceptions about aging lived 7.5 years longer on average than those with less positive views.
Asked whether empathy could help counteract familial ageism, Gordon says: “Honestly I think we’re in an empathy crisis in our society…But there’s every reason we need to empower older people…” She suggests intergenerational programs as one way forward—for example at Queens Community House where participants collaborate across generations.
Gordon’s work underscores how structural forces shape attitudes toward aging well before caregiving decisions arise within families—and highlights the potential benefits when families adopt more conscious approaches toward supporting their elders.
